There can be a particular loneliness in being the person others rely on. You may be respected for your judgement, creativity, steadiness or ability to keep going. Yet the role can become so familiar that there is little room to say: I am unsure; I am tired; I need something too.
I am now offering in-person therapy at 23 Harley Street, alongside my existing online work. My practice is for adults living with visible or high-responsibility lives: leaders, artists, creatives and people whose work asks them to hold a great deal for others.
Capability is not the problem. It can be a strength, a source of pride and a way of making a meaningful contribution. But when it becomes a costume that cannot be put down, it can make closeness, rest and honest feeling more difficult. The qualities that helped someone succeed may also leave them over-responsible, perfectionistic, self-silencing or afraid of disappointing people.
I work relationally and draw on Transactional Analysis: a way of making sense of the roles, beliefs and patterns we develop in relationships. Many started as intelligent adaptations. They may have helped us belong, stay safe, be valued or avoid conflict. Therapy offers space to become curious about what those patterns have made possible, what they cost and whether they still fit.
This is not about blaming ourselves for the past or treating adaptation as failure. Accountability, for me, is part of agency: the possibility of recognising where we have choice in how we respond, what we repeat, what we allow and what we might do differently.
Some people come because something has become impossible to ignore. Others are doing well on paper but do not feel fully present in their own lives. The work begins with a thoughtful conversation about what is happening, what matters and what might need to change.
Find out more about JJ Almond’s Harley Street therapy practice.