Whether you’ve been married for 20 years or only a few months, all couples experience some type of conflict at one point or another. The reasons for your conflict can be a particular problem or multiple little differences of opinions that escalate into arguments.
Many couples opt to try and deal with their issues on their own, while others rely on the marriage counselling Melbourne therapists often recommend. And it’s good to sometimes get some expert guidance. It could save you a lot of grief—and fights.
If you’re curious about the general signs that require counselling, keep reading.
Some Good Reasons to Consider Couples Therapy
Australian government records show that an average of 56,000 divorces were granted in 2021. Furthermore, research done by a reputable law firm in the country shows that the average Australian marriage lasts less than 12 years.
Experts believe that many instances of divorce can be avoided if couples are willing to work with a therapist to discuss and deal with underlying issues. How do you know if your issues are severe enough to warrant therapy? Let’s have a look at the tell-tale signs to look out for.
1. You Feel as Though You’ve Grown Apart
Even the closest couples can grow apart after years of marriage. When this happens, couples no longer engage with each other but rather live together as roommates. They become used to a routine, and everyone simply plays their part.
Generally, this peaks for the first time around the seven-year mark and then again at 21 years. However, it can vary for different couples. You can recognise this sign when you’d rather avoid your partner than fight or try to reason with them.
2. Money Becomes a Reason for a Fight
Another clear indicator that it may be time to enlist the help of a professional is when a lot of friction stems from money issues. Financial friction can be caused by the following:
- One partner earns considerably less than the other, creating unbalanced financial pressure
- Arguments about ways to spend money
- Not having enough money to adequately support your household
- Low earnings make it difficult to create a savings plan
3. Infidelity
Breach of trust, as a result of cheating, is the most common cause of seeking out the couples therapy Melbourne residents turn to. Unfaithfulness can lead to a lot of disappointment, distrust and of course fighting. While the guilty party may try to make amends, it may not always be so easy for the other partner to simply forgive and forget. But it’s possible to get past it if you have the right assistance.
4. Unnecessary Confrontation
If you find yourself in the middle of yet another senseless argument over nothing important, it may be a sign that intervention is needed. Furthermore, having the same argument over and over for no reason, with no resolution is both unnecessary and hurtful.
While arguing may be regarded by some as a way to handle conflict and get the issue out in the open, remember that verbal abuse, name-calling and shouting are not productive. Ultimately it creates resentment.
5. Dealing With Transition
Even couples who seem to get along just fine every other day of the week can be shaken by a life-changing transition. Attempting to deal with this may lead to arguing, fighting and eventually simply ignoring the other party as much as possible.
Instances that may cause problems:
- Retirement of one or both parties
- Illness and the stress of dealing with it
- The death of a family member, especially a child
- A child moving out of the house
- One of the partners suddenly loses their job
6. Boring Love Life
After years of being together, couples can get bored with each other. This can in turn lead to little or no love or intimacy. When one party feels unsatisfied with the level of intimacy, there will always be reason for arguing or resentment.
7. Varying Parent Styles
It’s not uncommon for couples to disagree over the way children should be raised. A different take on parenting styles often becomes more evident when children reach their teenage years and start acting out.
While one partner may have a “be strict and put your foot down approach”, the other might be more open to a more relaxed approach. This can lead to constant arguing and one partner always feeling like the “bad guy” in the picture.
Final Thought
No one gets married with the intention of getting divorced. In fact, most people hope that their marriage will be the one to stand the test of time. After all, who wants to deal with co-parenting issues and legal battles? The good news is that marriage counselling or couples therapy sessions help you get to the root cause of the problem AND move past it.
Couples therapy involves a lot of speaking and then even more listening. After that, it becomes all about focusing on moving forward with some new habits. Avoid becoming yet another divorce statistic by investing in a few sessions with a professional!